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Psychosomatic Boxing

So you walk out to the yard and you have one of those punching dummies, right? And you have your gloves on, you’re pumped and ready to go and just let this thing have it. You’ve spent the whole day thinking everything that’s wrong in your life but you’ve also spent some time thinking about every time you’ve messed up. You think about every time you let someone down or any time you hurt someone and all of that is just pent up inside of you and ready to come out when you start hitting the dummy.
You just got out there but you take a second before you start swinging to try and collect yourself. Because even though you haven’t even started doing anything, mentally you feel like this is the start of the 12th round. The bell is about to ring and for the last 11 rounds you’ve been getting the shit beat out of you. How can your arms be this heavy when you haven’t thrown a single punch? And it builds up inside of you.
You know that feeling when you really hate someones guts and that person is talking at you and you’re just looking at em’. You’re not listening but you’re looking. Your eyes are welling up and your hands are closed into a fist and they’re shaking. Your body’s paralyzed and for that moment the only thing it can do is tremble in a silent fury. And just like that, you start swinging.
You go nuts on the dummy and swing like a madman. Fuck technique because all you care about is hitting this thing as hard as you can. And before you know it, you’re pounding the shit out of this dummy and balling your eyes out because you’re still mad. You still hate the dummy. And worst of all, you still hate yourself. But the body can only go for so long. So you stop and take a step back. And for the first time there’s some calm as you start to notice the spectators that are enjoying the show.
The spectators that are going to determine whether or not this was a good fight. The ones who are going to set the standards and establish who was the good guy and who was the bad guy. Approve or disapprove. And on your way to the top of Maslow’s pyramid you’ll be so starved of love and a sense of belonging that you’ll listen to them. In danger of never reaching the peak of self-actualization you’ll linger in the deafening noise of their cheers and boos. And until you manage to tune them out, you’ll go out every night and keep beating the snot out of the dummy while you cry and curse at the wind, doomed to a reliance on the crowd.
But in all honesty and with all the sincerity in the world…fuck the crowd.

One comment on “Psychosomatic Boxing

  1. Esmeralda Zarco says:

    The deepest and most intimate feelings are usually the easiest to let out… so long as you release them! Keep them flowing .. keep them flowing 🙂


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